“Crayons vs. Contrarians: A Cautionary Tale”
You ever meet someone and think, “Wow… you’re not arguing because you care. You’re arguing because silence scares you.” That, my friends, is a contrarian, someone who disagrees with everything—just to exist.
Now, a contrarian is someone who objects to everything. If you say the sky is blue, they’ll say it’s more of a depressed teal. Not because they believe it—just because agreeing might kill them. They live in constant opposition, like a walking comments section. They make the best attorneys because arguing both sides of an argument is their thing. They’re not fighting for truth—they’re just afraid of being left out of an argument.
But then… there’s the Crayon.
Oh no, not the cute waxy kind you gave your niece. I’m talking about the metaphorical Crayon—a person who changes their colors based on what’s trending, but still manages to be dangerously committed to their nonsense. A Crayon doesn’t just change their opinion—they weaponize it. One day they’re pro-this, next day they’re anti-that, and the only thing consistent is how self-assured they are about it.
And here’s the thing: a Crayon is not to be underestimated. Sure, they seem harmless—bright, colorful, maybe a little blunt at the tip—but hand them enough attention and they’ll draw an entire movement. They’re the kind of person who shows up to a protest because the lighting was good for a selfie. Not the fun ones from your childhood. No, this Crayon changes colors based on what’s trending—
but they still somehow manage to act like an expert in all 50 shades of nonsense.
The contrarian can fix themselves, yes really. All it takes is developing a personality. Just… one original thought! Maybe even a hobby. Preferably one that doesn’t involve correcting strangers on the Internet.
But a Crayon? You can’t fix a Crayon. You can only wait for them to melt under the heat of their own hypocrisy.
So next time you meet someone who insists on playing devil’s advocate at lunch, ask yourself: Is this a contrarian… or a Crayon with Wi-Fi?