The Holy Scriptures tells us to marry, be fruitful, and multiply. Many people marry without ever having premarital advising. There are those who give birth to children for the sake of experiencing love of another person. Some marry another person with no desire for the marriage, only a longing to bear children before too late. Whether marrying first, or giving birth to children out of wedlock, a commitment to love needs to be exhibited by someone. In the absence of demonstrated love within our families, it becomes the responsibility of the church to counsel those seeking to enter into covenant.
To have a child for the purpose of experiencing love erases the need for matrimony between a husband and wife. Giving birth to a child for the sake of an aging parent having grandchildren, or the mother with diminishing egg production, the experience of parenthood, places urgency on everything but matrimonial love.
One of the greatest gifts we can receive from God is the blessing of a child or children to loving parents. That child can be a source of future joy for its parents. Not to say that marriages that end in divorce will not result in a joyful future experience. But giving birth to children without any care being given to the relationship that produced them, is not the ideal scenario.
No one can predict whether or not our choice for matrimony will last a lifetime. However, those who have had love demonstrated by someone have a greater chance of success. To witness love between parents aids the offspring of that marriage to succeed in their own relationships.
With no family demonstration of love, nor any intervention on behalf of the church, how can we learn love? A mother who is unloved can give birth to a child for the sake of being loved, and still there is no demonstration of love. A church counselor, who has never had a true marital love experience, cannot advise young lovers prior to marriage in the area of love. Even when they claim to be happy they were never married. Because the main focus of premarital advice should be enduring the challenges of marriage for the sake of the children. An early life choice for a mate should be someone that we can tolerate or endure for the sake of the children.
Some mothers function as single parents for more years than they have ever functioned as a wife. If being a single parent began while still young, by the time they master single parenthood, loving a man seems almost impossible. A child, who has only known their mother or father in the role of a single parent, is less likely receptive to a stepparent coming into their family situation. That is why premarital advice should include the possibility of falling out of love with our choice of spouse. Can we stay single until our children are grown if the marriage does not last? Even once the children are grown, they tend to demand their parent’s time and attention despite that parent’s need to have their own intimate relationship.
In their own selections for a mate, our children fail to see their own mistakes or bad choices when there has been no demonstration of love. They expect parents to be available to them for their entire lives unless a real conversation happens between all involved. We are obligated to raise our children into adulthood, but there comes a time when we must hand them over to God and move on with our lives. They will never like our choices for a partner when there has been no love demonstrated between their divorced parents. It is likewise difficult for our choice for a mate to like our grown children when they openly display their dislike.
If our children could make the decisions in our life, they would probably select their other biological parent, even if it were hell to endure that person. While our children expect parents to go along with their ever fluctuating decisions. Is there an appropriate age for our children to be allowed to express their opinions concerning the choices of their parents? Especially if the parent has always kept that child’s best interest in the forefront of past decisions.
So select well when deciding on a spouse, because you might have to endure them for a lifetime, for the sake of the children born of that marriage. In sickness and in health, no one can love your child like his or her other parent that you chose, even if your choice was not a good one. With that in mind, either endure them, or stay single after divorce until said child is grown. The role of the church is to make that likelihood clear to those seeking to get married.
This does not apply to the loss of a spouse due to death, for even a demanding child can feel a parent’s pain. They are just indifferent to anyone else stepping into your life. When they approve, it is rare, no matter how awful their other parent may seem to you. Therefore, love must be demonstrated in the eyes of our children, so that they know how to select and express love for themselves.
1 Corinthians 7:1-10
New International Version
Concerning Married Life
7 “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.”
Romans 5:8
New International Version
8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Genesis 9:7
New International Version
7 As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it.”
Deuteronomy 24:4
New International Version
4 “then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.”
Matthew 19:1-10
New International Version
Divorce
19 “When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a] 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” ”
Leviticus 22:13
New International Version
13 “But if a priest’s daughter becomes a widow or is divorced, yet has no children, and she returns to live in her father’s household as in her youth, she may eat her father’s food. No unauthorized person, however, may eat it.”